The Caterpillar who did not want to become a Butterfly

There was once a little caterpillar who spent his days munching on mulberry leaves.

The only other caterpillars he knew were other young caterpillars; there were no adults.

One day he awoke to find beautiful creatures gliding through the air above his head.

“What are those,” he asked his smartest friend.

“Those are grown-up caterpillars,” his friend answered, “they're called butterflies.”

The little caterpillar looked at the butterflies, he admired how the flew softly through the air. He was amazed at the beautiful colors and designs on the butterflies wings.

“I want to be a butterfly too,” he said to his friend, “what must I do to make that happen.”

“Soon you will have to spin a cocoon for yourself. Then you will have to stay in the dark cocoon and slowly disintegrate into nothingness. After that you will be rebuilt again into a butterfly.”

“That sounds scary,” said the little butterfly, “I don't like the dark, and I am afraid to be turned into nothingness.”

“That's not all,” continued his wise friend, “after you turn into a butterfly you will have to force your way out of the cocoon. You will have to use up all your energy making a hole in the cocoon and squeezing your way out. If you don't do it properly you might never make it out of the cocoon or your wings could be permanently damaged.”

“I don't think I am strong enough to do that,” responded the little caterpillar, “and I don't want to take a chance of not surviving the trip out of the cocoon. I think I will just remain a caterpillar!”

One morning the little caterpillar noticed that many of his friends were not around. “Where is everyone,” he asked the wise caterpillar. “Look up in the trees,” his friend answered, “they are all making cocoons so that they can become butterflies.

The little caterpillar wanted very much to become a butterfly, but his fear of the dark kept him determined not to make a cocoon. “Being a butterfly is nice,” he told his friend, “but I am really content to remain a caterpillar. I don't see any need to change.”

The days passed and more of his friends disappeared. Over time he noticed them breaking out of their cocoons and gliding through the air, but the little caterpillar remained stubborn. He began to feel fat and sluggish.

“You really should reconsider your decision not to become a butterfly,” said his friend. “I know it is scary, but what is the alternative? You can remain a caterpillar and grow old and die without ever becoming anything better. Maybe you are satisfied with that. Or you can choose to enter a frightening dark place and allow yourself to completely disintegrate. I know you are wondering what will become of you if you allow that to happen. You wonder if you will ever make it out and what type of butterfly you will end up being. But do you really just want to end your life being the same caterpillar you were when you were born?”

The little caterpillar realized the wisdom of his friend's words and began to spin his cocoon.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

Rabbi Moshe Dovid Valle in his commentary on Tehillim (Psalms) 3:6 describes what I have been experiencing over the past few days. He explains that when a person is undergoing difficult times he loses his מוחין דגדלות, literally big mindedness. All that remains are his מוחין דקטנות, small mindedness, which means the person is essentially asleep. But when the person recognizes his loss and cries out to Hashem his words are heard and the מוחין דגדלות are returned; he is like a person who has awakened from a deep sleep. He suddenly feels a strength not only about the present but even about the future, and does not fear those forces which seem to be assembling against him.

Hurting Someone's Feelings vs. Mitzvos

Some stories about prioritizing. Do you criticize someone who is making a mistake in doing a Mitzvah, if doing so will embarrass him?

Becoming a Triangle

Rav Kook writes that there is a fundamental disticntion between Torah study and the study of other topics. He explains that whereas Torah study has the ability to change the inner workings of a person, the study of other topics does not have the same effect.
This brings to mind a well known story about Bertrand Russell. Whereas he was a very famous professor of philosophy, in his private life his morals were quite corrupt. When questioned about this dichotomy he responded that if he was a geometry professor, would he be expected to look like a triangle?!
Clearly he did not expect his study and teaching to have an effect on who he was as a person. Why is Torah study different?
Rav Kook explains that this is because when one studies Torah one is connecting to the eternal wellsprings of life. The connection to the source brings new life to the person constantly and enables a person to undergo renewal regularly. This is not the case when one is engaged in the study of other topics.
Is this true from personal experience? I cannot say that Torah study has always, or even usually, had that effect on me, or from what I see, on others. At the same time I have seen people turn their lives around without the benefit of Torah. How does this work?

WWGD

There are times when righteous people have difficulty accepting those who are less righteous than they are. The result is that they end up dealing with such people in a way which ends up distancing them even more from the path of Torah. That is not what God wants. He wants the righteous to love others and accept them as they are. Even if God himself is angry with someone He wants the righteous to pray on their behalf and draw them close. Rabbi Nosson of Breslov

Getting rid of the scorpion

The true service of God is giving one's self over to God's will, whether or not the person is successful in performing all of his actions properly. When he is not successful at walking in the way Of God, he can still deepen his own self-nullification to God. He can play even by the lair of the scorpion and find the light of God there, and realize that despite what he may, or may not, have done, God is still with him.

The forces of evil Mt. Seir, is really just a ball of hair (שעיר - שער) which has no substance. It is just the voices of negativity that attempt to convince a person that whereas he may have had a life of meaning in the past, he is presently incapable of such a life. This is false. One needs to work on having a childlike approach. Just like a child is always aware of his parents' presence, so too we must make ourselves aware of the presence of God.

Lean Into Discomfort

I was reading a book entitled Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and found the following on page 68:

Rather than avoiding a feeling, your goal should be to move toward the emotion, into it, and eventually through it... even for boredom, confusion, or anticipation. When you ignore an emotion... you miss the opportunity to do something productive.

This approach is quite different than that which I was taught growing up and in Yeshivos. We were always taught to quash negative emotions. If you are learning and bored, something is the matter with you; you should feel guilty about it. Change you attitude.

Many great works of Torah based self-improvement will tell parents to minimize the emotion shown to a child, and tell of stories of how great men controlled and overcame their emotions for example when losing a child on a holiday. Anger should be banished.

The only place I recall seeing a vestige of the concept expressed here is when the Baal Shem Tov teaches that if one has an improper thought during prayer, rather than banishing it, as others teach, he should go with the thought and elevate it.

Honestly, I am still trying to truly understand what the Baal Shem Tov meant, as well as what this books means. But I have tried the book's advice a few times over the last few days to get a new experience. Rather than run from what it is that I am experiencing, I have allowed myself to think about it and let the feeling take me to its conclusion. By that time any negativity in the feeling has usually dissipated.