It is so frustrating to achieve spiritual growth, and then to find yourself falling back. Ever have that depressing feeling when you realize that some spiritual activity that used to bring you such satisfaction is no longer exciting you, even worse that you can barely muster up the strength to continue the behavior?
You need to realize that just as in the history of the Jewish Nation there have been periods of light and periods of darkness, the same is true in the life of each and every person. And it is always darkest before dawn. The most spiritual day of the week is Shabbos. Friday is frequently the most spiritually trying day of the week. All of the forces of darkness are aligned to prevent you from reaching the light. They attack you primarily with the frustration that you simply can't do it.
The only way to overcome this feeling is with the realization that in that darkness God can be found. The moment you truly recognize that is when the darkness begins to lift. Look for Him in those darkest places and salvation will come. "I am the Lord your God who took you out of the land of Egypt." In the most spiritually repulsive place on earth, God was there.
The above is a synopsis of something written by Rabbi Yitzchok Isaac of Kamorna. It is something I have really tried to internalize over the past two years. Still very much a work in progress, but then everything good we can accomplish is a lifetime of a work in progress.
