Rebbe Nachman writes that one of the worst ailments a person can have is that of constantly worrying what others are thinking of you. It leads to a person conducting his life not on the basis of his understanding of right and wrong, but based on his perception of how others will view his behavior. Rebbe Nachman points out that one who has this issue can't possibly pray in a synagogue. Rather than focusing on the words, and on connecting to God, he will worry how others are viewing him as he prayers. He will begin to do the motions of looking as if he is fervently praying, rather than actually doing so.
This is something of which I have been very guilty of in the past. I feel as if he is speaking directly to me, even though I know I have moved beyond this. I recall vividly as a kid stretching out my Shemoneh Esray in order to give people the impression I was intently into my prayers. It affected other areas of my life. There were times when I was uncomfortable walking through a crowd as I was sure everyone was staring at me and watching me walk.
Truly getting comfortable in my own skin has been a lengthy and ongoing process. A lot of it has to do with learning about the love of Hashem for me, and drawing on works such as Rabbi Aroush's seforim.
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