Approval

Rebbe Nachman writes that one of the worst ailments a person can have is that of constantly worrying what others are thinking of you. It leads to a person conducting his life not on the basis of his understanding of right and wrong, but based on his perception of how others will view his behavior. Rebbe Nachman points out that one who has this issue can't possibly pray in a synagogue. Rather than focusing on the words, and on connecting to God, he will worry how others are viewing him as he prayers. He will begin to do the motions of looking as if he is fervently praying, rather than actually doing so.

This is something of which I have been very guilty of in the past. I feel as if he is speaking directly to me, even though I know I have moved beyond this. I recall vividly as a kid stretching out my Shemoneh Esray in order to give people the impression I was intently into my prayers. It affected other areas of my life. There were times when I was uncomfortable walking through a crowd as I was sure everyone was staring at me and watching me walk.

Truly getting comfortable in my own skin has been a lengthy and ongoing process. A lot of it has to do with learning about the love of Hashem for me, and drawing on works such as Rabbi Aroush's seforim.

Getting Personal

Continuing with yesterday's topic, and returning to the writings of Rabbi Shalom Aroush, we will focus again on personal prayer.

Rabbi Aroush mentions that all mitzvos (commandments) are the same for all people. Everyone puts on Tefillin the same way (not withstanding certain minor differences in custom), everyone has the same rules of kashrut, the prayer book is the same for all people.

It is only in the realm of personal prayer that each person is unique. For that matter each day's personal prayer is different as well. What is troubling the soul on Sunday is not the same as on Monday. The material needs of one month are different than another. Those things for which one must offer thanks one day are not the same the next.

It is within the realm of personal prayer that a person can truly develop an individual relationship with God. It is also, therefore, the area in which one can discover his own unique pathway in the world.

One (Part Three) - Out of Bounds

At this point in my thinking, I was finally beginning to grasp certain concepts I have seen in Chassidic writings, but could not until now wrap my head around.

Halacha (Jewish Ritual Law) teaches that although one can fulfill his technical requirement to pray by reciting the prayers in the absence of really paying attention to what he is saying, there are exceptions to this rule. One of those is the first verse of Shema which, if someone recites it while he is daydreaming about something else, he has not fulfilled his requirement, and must repeat the Shema.

Rabbi Isaac of Komarna, one of the most intensely Kabbalistic of all the Chassidic writers, says that rather than repeating the Shema one should accustom himself to remembering that God is in everything, even in his stray thoughts. One who truly understands this will realize that his day dream during Shema was not a violation of the will of God thereby invalidating his recital of Shema, but was indeed God's will. As such, he should not repeat it.

I would add that as the idea of Shema is the declaration of God's permeation of all of existence, filling one's mind with this consciousness and thereby not repeating the Shema, is in and of itself, the very same declaration.

To be continued