Back to the Simple Man and the Wise Man

Rebbe Nachman goes on to tell how the Wise Man was given by the king a precious diamond to shape. He made a slight error as he was working on it. It created a flaw that no one other than he would ever be aware off. But he was beside himself. He could not bear the fact that he had made a mistake. He was less than perfect.

Rabbi Aroush contrasts this with the attitude of the Simple Man who was happy no matter what misfortune befell him, or what mistakes he had made. If the Simple Man's joy at all times was because he understood that all the happened to him was the will of Hashem, then it stands to reason that the lack of joy for the Wise Man was because he did not believe that what happened to him was the will of Hashem. He thought that being perfect was something over which he had control. Hashem was sending him messages to remind him that no one is perfect. As long as he thought he was, or could be, Hashem was going to show him in both his personal and professional life, that he wasn't.

"What good is all my wisdom," asked the Wise Man, "if I still make mistakes!" Here comes the self-recrimination. he is beating himself up because of his own haughtiness and lacks the ability to forgive himself at all. He has the ability to be perfect. He made a mistake. It is his fault that he erred. Why wasn't he successful?

He is castigating himself because he refuses to recognize that he is not the master of any of these things.

The Difference

Why is it that in Rebbe Nachman's story the Wise Man with all of his wisdom ended up floundering his whole life, while the Simple Man, despite all of his intellectual shortcomings, ended up so successful? The Wise Man would seem to have had a much easier path to travel to success. The path of the Simple man, by contrast, was strewn from the start with difficult obstacles!

The answer is really very simple. For all his wisdom, the Wise Man lost his faith. Seeing his great success, he took all the credit for himself, and forgot about the hand of God in his greatness. In his hubris he lost his relationship with God.

Unlike the Wise Man, hubris was not an option for the Simple Man. However, he could have easily fallen into despair, a malady as bad, if not worse. Instead he made a conscious decision to remain strong in his faith despite all the travails he had to endure. These decisions need to be made prior to a person heading down the path to corruption. Originally, they each had fine attitudes. It was when each saw how their life was going that they had to face the choice. Was it to be haughtiness or faith for the Wise Man; depression or faith for the Simple Man.

The Wise Man could only achieve faith by realizing he was far from perfect, despite the wondrous abilities he possessed. For the Simple Man, he needed the realization that he was the person God wanted him to be, in the situation he was meant to be in.

I see a bit of myself in all this. The Wise Man that is (is that haughtiness?). How much of what I accomplished so far in my life, did I attribute deep within myself to myself, and how much do I truly give to God?

Getting Personal

Continuing with yesterday's topic, and returning to the writings of Rabbi Shalom Aroush, we will focus again on personal prayer.

Rabbi Aroush mentions that all mitzvos (commandments) are the same for all people. Everyone puts on Tefillin the same way (not withstanding certain minor differences in custom), everyone has the same rules of kashrut, the prayer book is the same for all people.

It is only in the realm of personal prayer that each person is unique. For that matter each day's personal prayer is different as well. What is troubling the soul on Sunday is not the same as on Monday. The material needs of one month are different than another. Those things for which one must offer thanks one day are not the same the next.

It is within the realm of personal prayer that a person can truly develop an individual relationship with God. It is also, therefore, the area in which one can discover his own unique pathway in the world.

Windshield Focus

Picture for a moment someone who is driving but rather than remaining focused on looking forward through her windshield, she instead spends her time looking in the rear view mirror. How far will she get? How safe will her driving be?

Too often we make the same mistake with life. So many of us allow ourselves to be dragged down by our pasts. We are acutely aware of our past mistakes and wrongdoings, and we feel that we are doomed to repeat them. So much so, that we frequently make sure to repeat them, creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies.

This is an especially important concept to be focused on this month in the run-up to the High Holidays. When we recite viduy (confession) we should tell ourselves that the idea of mentioning the sins we have committed is in order to expel them from our beings; the act of viduy is an act of purging. Once we have it out of our system, let it remain out.

Our yetzer hora, the part of our being that wants to keep us down, desires nothing more than to keep reminding us of our past shortcomings and to insist that the past limits our future. We need to keep our eyes on the future and not allow the past to hold it back.

Personally I find this to be a very important message at this point in life. Right now I am transitioning from being involved in Jewish Education full time - as I have been for over two decades - into spending time in the business world. I have never had any success in this area before, and have always been convinced that I do not have the ability to have such success. Each day as I face new challenges that threaten the success of these endeavors, I need to remind myself that I have to focus on future success and not on what I have been convinced of in the past.

The same is true as I work on myself in areas of spiritual growth where I have tried to change in the past, and not achieved what I desired. As I try again and find myself challenged, I cannot allow myself to let the past be my teacher about my future. I have to leave the past in the past and move on to new successes.

The End of Jewish Guilt

As Rabbi Aroush continues explaining the practical Emunah (faith) of the Simple Man he shares the idea that one cannot undergo the process of Teshuva (return to God) until and unless one has complete faith in the idea that there is nothing other than God. One has to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened in the past, including his own sins, all was the will of God. By coming to terms with that, one can engage in introspection as to how to have a more spiritually productive future, without engaging in self-recrimination and guilt about the past.

Rather one should look at his past, warts and all, and ask himself "What message was God sending me when he allowed me to do this or that?" Instead of being upset about what he has done, the person should embrace each thing as a loving message from a caring God. No depression, no crying, no frustration. "How should this incident lead me to understanding how to get closer to God?"

Frustration

As we return now to the story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, Rabbi Aroush is still struggling with understanding how the Simple Man can be happy with the hideous shoe he has created. Understanding that his efforts at making a shoe are a metaphor for our attempts to develop a relationship with God, he asks how it is that a person can be satisfied, even joyful as the story indicates, when his efforts are proving to fall short and produce hideous results.

He explains that it is imperative that as a person embarks on trying to develop his relationship with God that he has two thoughts in mind:

1. It is imperative that I develop a relationship with my Creator.


2. I will be joyful no matter what the result is.

One who becomes upset when his desires are not fulfilled is, in reality, only exhibiting the fullness of his own ego. He isn't living with reality; only God can determine who and when a relationship is developed. The frustration a person feels at his perceived lack of success comes from a feeling that he, the person, is the one who determines the outcome.

Striving with Life

Rebbe Nachman's story continues with the Simple Man having become a cobbler making a particularly hideous looking shoe which he could only sell for a few pennies to a pauper. Looking at the fruit of his labors the Simple Man began to sing and dance and praise God for his ability to make such a shoe.

Rabbi Aroush points out that the shoe should have symbolized to the Simple Man all of his shortcomings. It should have forced him to focus on his inability to be properly educated and to make a decent living. It should have reminded him of the ridicule he often suffered from other people. Yes none of these thoughts entered his mind. Instead, he took the symbol of his shortcomings and danced with it happily. He was able to do so because he was at peace with himself.

To achieve this peace a person must be aware of his shortcomings and believe that this is exactly who he must be in order to achieve his destiny in this world. Ignoring ones shortcomings, or convincing ones self that they don't exist can only lead to an artificial and temporary joy. Eventually the issues will bubble to the surface and he will be forced to deal with them. This will happen because it is only be coming face to face with them that he can achieve his destiny.

Whatever bad hand a person feels he has been dealt - a difficult spouse, abusive parents, tyrannic boss, impossible children - there was no error in God's plans that brought these issues about. On the contrary, they are the necessary ingredients to assist him in achieving his destiny.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that people who are happy and righteous are able to accomplish that because they have fewer or easier challenges in life. The fact that that is simply not so.

It is not greatness that brings about joy, it is joy that brings about greatness.

Computer Games

Have you ever played one of those computer games in which you are meandering about a computer generated world? As you go about your business every object you pass has a purpose. The programmers put the objects where they are for a definitive reason. Some might give you "life" or ammunition just by coming into contact with them; others are obstacles or opponents whom you much overcome in order to gain points or to get to the next level. We can choose to ignore these obstacles and opportunities, but then we are missing the point of the game.
Life is the same way, explains Rabbi Aroush, when we see things in the path of our life we often are tempted to view them as obstacles or irrelevancies. We ignore those things that can bring us increased life, because we don't see the benefit clearly. We get annoyed and angry at those things which oppose us as we feel that they are interfering with our lives.
If we would believe that everything that comes across our path is there for a reason - the reason being to help us achieve our purpose in life - then we would view each such encounter as an opportunity, not a nuisance. Kabbalistic thought teaches us that everything in existence has sparks of holiness (Nitzotzos Kedusha) trapped within it. Interacting with these things in the right time, place and manner, gives us the ability to free that holiness and add the sparks (so to speak) to our point total. Often it can be a difficult challenge, and we might need to try more than once. But when we are done, it is on to the next level.

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Haughty

As we continue on with Rebbe Nachman's story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, the Wise Man is on his way home. His trip is miserable. As he was so much smarter than any of his traveling companions, he had no one with whom to speak on the way. Every time he stopped for the night his accommodations were miserable. His wisdom wasn't doing him any good, it was destroying his life!
His haughtiness made him look down on others to the point where he lacked the ability to relate socially with others. In order to justify this attitude he constantly found fault with the efforts and accomplishments of all those around him. It verified his knowledge that he was so much wiser. After all, if he was in charge none of those mistakes would be made.
Presumably his negative attitude would have caused him to be constantly angry, as is frequently the style of negative people. "This meal is too hot! This dish hasn't got enough salt. Why did they design this hotel room in this manner, and fool knows that..."
After reading all this it was time for some serious soul searching. First for the good (relatively speaking) part. I certainly have a natural tendency to be critical and negative. There have been times in my life when I have looked at everything (and I mean everything) around me and found fault in all of it. I then let those I deemed responsible know very clearly how I felt about it, in pretty rude and angry terminology. Thank God I have managed to a large extent to move beyond that. Although I can at times still be negative, it is not as much as it was, and I do not react with the old vehemence.
I have accomplished this by really trying to work on what is true humility. I have looked at my own faults and realized that I am far from perfect. I expect others to tolerate my faults; I should tolerate theirs. God grants me life and much good, despite my faults and wrongdoings and we are mandated to emulate Him.
Beyond that, I have worked to focus on the good in things and not on the negative. I try to have the presence of mind to bite my tongue from presenting my initial reaction and to seek to find something good to say.
Rabbi Aroush offers another, very powerful, way of viewing negative situations which I find helpful and will elaborate upon in my next posting.
As far as the relating to others goes, that is also an area in which I am very lacking. I have always had a certain shyness and a difficulty making friends, especially when meeting a total stranger, and don't easily socialize and make small talk. In the past I always chalked it up to shyness, whatever that means.
More recently I have been trying to understand the same point Rabbi Aroush makes here. I need to understand within myself what aspect of this shyness is really based in a haughtiness which allows me to feel I cannot relate to others whom I perceive as not being my intellectual equals. As I mentioned in a previous post, attitudes like this are really rooted in a lack of self-esteem.
Still lots of work to do.

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble

As I continue on in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, the wise man is at the point where he is ready to settle down and get married. But he feels he must return to his hometown to accomplish that task. Why? Not because the girl next door is cut out to be a better wife. Rather it is because if he returns home the people will admire what he has made of himself after coming from humble origins. In his present location the people don't quite appreciate all he has become.
Rabbi Aroush points out the illness inherent in pursuing honor. Such a person is hurt if anyone doesn't treat him with the proper respect. He is unable to receive any criticism. If the point is valid he simply falls apart. He constantly argues and always has to be right.
Whoa! I really was feeling convicted by all this. From the time I was a small child I was always worried about what others thought of me, and did all I could to impress others. I did not do a good job of taking criticism, and was a well known arguer.
As Rabbi Aroush points out, the only way to overcome these issues is by having trust and faith in God. All honor is truly His, not yours. Whatever you have comes from God; don't look for you to receive honor for yourself from it.

Black Hole

Sometimes I can get down; I can pretty much feel like giving up. It can take a lot out of me to keep pushing myself to go on despite all the obstacles that are before me. The Ishbitzer Rebbe suggests that this attitude is what the Torah is addressing when it writes about Chilul Hashem. Conventionally, this is understood to mean acting in a manner that desecrates the name of God, but he takes it one step further. He says that the word Chilul (חילול) shares the same Hebrew word as Chalal (חלל) a hole, or depression.

He explains that the root cause of giving up is the feeling that it is beyond God's ability to assist the person out of his predicament. The person lacks the ability at that time to find the light of God in his situation, and feels that God is absent.

In that sense the person ready to give up is saying that there is a hole, a void, where God is absent; whereas in truth, God is omnipotent. It is that attitude of there being a hole in God, so to speak, that the Torah is telling us is the root of depression and the ultimate desecration of God.

This is very much a Breslev type of approach wherein it is understood that being down and depressed is the greatest possible sin. I have seen that Rabbi Aruosh writes that the cause of frustration and depression is that the person feels that he is on his own and he needs to accomplish the task, and finds himself wanting. In truth any person doesn't have the tools needed to complete the task. Everyone needs God's help to accomplish. Getting out of the frustrated frame of mind requires the cognizance that it is God who will get the task done, and leaving it up to Him to do so. By bringing God back in, the void is filled, God is back, and the problems go away.

Don't confuse me with the facts

On Sunday mornings, I have been studying Rabbi Aroush's work on marriage with a small group. The book is available in both Hebrew and English; they are two very different works. We have been using the Hebrew edition.

This week, what we read focused on the need for honesty in marriage. Specifically the author was focusing on the fact that frequently when spouses disagree about doing something, one of them will choose to do it and lie about having done it to their spouse. He explains that even though the Talmud permits "changing" one's story for the sake of peace, that doesn't apply in this case. He explains that such changing is only permissible when one does something with all the best of intentions and then something goes wrong which may upset another party. In that case one may embellish the facts in a way that will keep the peace. But the Talmud does not permit proactively and intentionally creating a situation in which one will feel compelled to lie to protect himself after having engaged in an activity in which he/she should not have been involved to begin with!

I have to confess that leading this discussion group puts me in a sometimes funny position; as I have not always been a model husband, I can feel at times like a hypocrite sharing with others how to be proper husbands. I "protect" myself by saying repeatedly that everything I am sharing applies to me as much as to anyone else.

Especially with this issue, I have to admit that in the past I have often abused the permit to fudge on the truth for the sake of peace. I have to keep this lesson at the forefront of my mind with everything I do, so I do not abuse it in the future.

Reading List

There are countless works of mussar (self improvement) that exists on the market. Having learnt many of them over the years, I still felt that something was missing. How do you get it in your heart?
Recently, I have begun to learn three seforim that address this issue. While I can't say that any of them have solved the problem for me, they have given me great direction as to how to get the Torah into my heart the way it should be.
First and foremost are the seforim of Rav Sholom Aroush. Offering an approach based on Breslove Chassidus he discusses frankly the issues of truly chaning oneself and how to overcome the challenge. The main factors on which he focuses are emunah and hisbodidus, which in his parlance refers to speaking out your heart to Hashem outside of formal tefilah (prayer). Three of his works are available in English, and many more in Hebrew. Additionally, there are hundreds of CDs that you can listen to from him, or his translator Lazer Brody. They are reasonably priced and reenforce the mesages of the books. There are also many articles available online that share their thoughts.