Internal Struggle

I have been struggling with not becoming depressed over the past few days as my family's financial situation has been quite precarious. I have been looking for a job, tried to start a business; nothing seems to be working. I have been turning to Tehilim (Psalms) for some solace and direction. At the moment, I have been finding Psalm 51 to be meaningful to myself.

I can relate to King David's struggles as he looks to find forgiveness for his faults, and not be be rejected by God. I find comfort in that I am not the only one who has feared rejection.

In verse 12 he says לב טהור ברא לי אלקים ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי. A pure heart create for me, O Lord, and a proper spirit renew within me. He continues in the next verse by saying אל תשליכני מלפניך ורוח קדשך אל תקח ממני. Do not reject me from before You, and Your holy spirit do not take from me.

As I read that last verse, I thought to myself that in this respect I am certainly not like King David. After all, I don't have the holy spirit to begin with. Subsequently I was looking at a wonderful anthology of commentary and it quoted something very meaningful to me from Rabbi Nachman of Breslev.

He says that any time a person engages in a personal dialogue with God, that is רוח הקדש, the holy spirit, speaking within him. The entire book of Psalms is all the dialogue of King David, it is the holy spirit that emanated from within him. But it is not limited to King David. Each of us can find that holy spirit within.

He suggests beginning by contemplating God and one's desire to relate to God. The more one thinks about it and focuses on this topic the more it will fill his heart. After some time it will manifest itself in the person speaking to God with his own holy spirit.