Capture the Moment

This morning, as I was davening (saying my morning prayers) I became cognizant of an issue for the first time. Well, perhaps it was not exactly the first time, but I gained a new and deeper understanding.

As is often the case while davening I found that I was not properly concentrating on the words and my mind was beginning to wander. I paid attention to the wanderings of my mind and realized that invariably they were focused on what I was going to do later in the day. Rather than focusing on what I was involved with at the moment, I was forgoing that for planning the future.

It became apparent to me very quickly that this is something I frequently do. Rather than savoring a moment, I too often lose the moment for my future concerns.

Next thing I need to figure out is how to combat this.

Windshield Focus

Picture for a moment someone who is driving but rather than remaining focused on looking forward through her windshield, she instead spends her time looking in the rear view mirror. How far will she get? How safe will her driving be?

Too often we make the same mistake with life. So many of us allow ourselves to be dragged down by our pasts. We are acutely aware of our past mistakes and wrongdoings, and we feel that we are doomed to repeat them. So much so, that we frequently make sure to repeat them, creating our own self-fulfilling prophecies.

This is an especially important concept to be focused on this month in the run-up to the High Holidays. When we recite viduy (confession) we should tell ourselves that the idea of mentioning the sins we have committed is in order to expel them from our beings; the act of viduy is an act of purging. Once we have it out of our system, let it remain out.

Our yetzer hora, the part of our being that wants to keep us down, desires nothing more than to keep reminding us of our past shortcomings and to insist that the past limits our future. We need to keep our eyes on the future and not allow the past to hold it back.

Personally I find this to be a very important message at this point in life. Right now I am transitioning from being involved in Jewish Education full time - as I have been for over two decades - into spending time in the business world. I have never had any success in this area before, and have always been convinced that I do not have the ability to have such success. Each day as I face new challenges that threaten the success of these endeavors, I need to remind myself that I have to focus on future success and not on what I have been convinced of in the past.

The same is true as I work on myself in areas of spiritual growth where I have tried to change in the past, and not achieved what I desired. As I try again and find myself challenged, I cannot allow myself to let the past be my teacher about my future. I have to leave the past in the past and move on to new successes.

The End of Jewish Guilt

As Rabbi Aroush continues explaining the practical Emunah (faith) of the Simple Man he shares the idea that one cannot undergo the process of Teshuva (return to God) until and unless one has complete faith in the idea that there is nothing other than God. One has to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened in the past, including his own sins, all was the will of God. By coming to terms with that, one can engage in introspection as to how to have a more spiritually productive future, without engaging in self-recrimination and guilt about the past.

Rather one should look at his past, warts and all, and ask himself "What message was God sending me when he allowed me to do this or that?" Instead of being upset about what he has done, the person should embrace each thing as a loving message from a caring God. No depression, no crying, no frustration. "How should this incident lead me to understanding how to get closer to God?"

Frustration - 42 Times

This past Shabbos the Torah portion discussed the 42 travels of the Jewish Nation in the wilderness. The Torah describes these travels as being the travels the Nation took as they left Egypt. Rabbi Yaakov Alesk, one of the leading 18th Century Kabbalists, asks that the wording is problematic as only the first few travels took them out of Egypt. The rest of the travels lasted close to forty years and took them all over the Sinai Desert.

He explains that by being in Egypt for 210 years the Nation had been very influenced by the Egyptian way of thinking. The experiences they had during each of these 42 travels taught them lessons that enabled them to pull themselves out of the Egyptian mindset and into the mindset God needed for them to have in order to enter the Land of Israel. It took 42 lessons over 40 years until they had moved from one way of thinking to another.

This is a good lesson when trying to help others grow spiritually or emotionally. All too often we can become frustrated with them and be ready to give up. Why can't they learn the lesson already? Why aren't they changing. Haven't I taught them enough times? Haven't enough years passed already? The Torah teaches us here that it can take many years and varied lessons until someone can truly change.

At the same time, we can learn that you shouldn't give up on yourself either, no matter how many times and how many different ways you have tried to change. It may take a while, even 40 years, but if you keep on persevering you can make it.

Frustration - Continued...

After all we have written, a person can still be frustrated. "How can I be satisfied when I am so distant from perfection?"

Here is what you really need to understand. If God has still not enabled you to perfect yourself spiritually, that is His will. It is for your good. Your success will tarry until you have succeeded in working on yourself and you are ready for the gift from God. A little more introspection, some more humility, a bit more prayer and then you will see it.

Were God to grant you success before you were ready for it, it would harm you. As long as you are still producing hideous shoes, still not achieving your goals in spirituality, that is what is best for you. God knows what you are doing, and sees your efforts; nothing is ignored. Any lack of success is born of God's love for you, as he patiently waits for you to build the vessel that is capable of receiving his light. Until you have minimized your ego to the point where you can truly feel Him.

Frustration

As we return now to the story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, Rabbi Aroush is still struggling with understanding how the Simple Man can be happy with the hideous shoe he has created. Understanding that his efforts at making a shoe are a metaphor for our attempts to develop a relationship with God, he asks how it is that a person can be satisfied, even joyful as the story indicates, when his efforts are proving to fall short and produce hideous results.

He explains that it is imperative that as a person embarks on trying to develop his relationship with God that he has two thoughts in mind:

1. It is imperative that I develop a relationship with my Creator.


2. I will be joyful no matter what the result is.

One who becomes upset when his desires are not fulfilled is, in reality, only exhibiting the fullness of his own ego. He isn't living with reality; only God can determine who and when a relationship is developed. The frustration a person feels at his perceived lack of success comes from a feeling that he, the person, is the one who determines the outcome.

One (V) - Teshuva

There is an enigmatic Midrash which says that when consulted as to what a sinner should do to rectify his sin, most of the spiritual entities in the world were at a loss to find a good answer. Finally, God Himself was consulted and He said that the sinner should do Teshuvah (return or repentance) and be forgiven.

Based on our last few posts, I would suggest that all the other entities were those existing under the realm of Binah, with a consciousness that defined the world as a series of lines and boundaries. From that perspective crossing a line and encroaching where one doesn't belong is a fait accompli that cannot be undone. It is only when one can approach God, reach the realm of cognizance of God's permeating all, that one can truly return to God with the understanding that even in his sin, God was there.

The Maharal quotes a Midrash which likens a sin to making a crack on a piece of china belonging to a king. Nothing can be done to repair the crack. The one who cracked it is told that the situation is hopeless and he is going to be in trouble from the king. But when he finally approaches the king, the king tells him that he likes cracked china.

We can view our sins as being violations of our covenant with our Creator, or we can develop the understanding that even they are part of His plan.