Rags Riches

Rebbe Nachman's story continues with a shift to the life of the Simple Man who only had one old tattered coat. Despite that, when he had to go out, he did so with complete joy and did not allow himself to be concerned with what others might think of his attire.

Rabbi Aroush says that this shows us how genuine his joy was. This was because his joy was predicated on his understanding that whatever he had it was because God willed it to be so. His joy did not depend on the approval of other people. He did not get caught up in "keeping up with the Joneses." Even when other could see that he was lacking it didn't bother him.

Real inner joy can only come when someone doesn't care if others are singing his praises or if they are ridiculing him. Living with Emunah means living with God, not with people. If people think something is not good, does that make it not good?!! Joy that is dependant on other's approval is merely superficial. The moment the person is open to criticism or ridicule he will fall apart.

Once again he has hit me where it counts; this issue has been a real challenge for me for many years. I couldn't possibly begin to count the number of times I have worried about the approval of others, rather than only concerning myself with the approval of God. How many times have I done things, or not done things, because I was concerned about the approval of other people?

I still have a long was to go to overcome this tendency, but the more I place my focus on God, and the less on other people's concerns, the closer I get to this ideal of happiness.

Computer Games

Have you ever played one of those computer games in which you are meandering about a computer generated world? As you go about your business every object you pass has a purpose. The programmers put the objects where they are for a definitive reason. Some might give you "life" or ammunition just by coming into contact with them; others are obstacles or opponents whom you much overcome in order to gain points or to get to the next level. We can choose to ignore these obstacles and opportunities, but then we are missing the point of the game.
Life is the same way, explains Rabbi Aroush, when we see things in the path of our life we often are tempted to view them as obstacles or irrelevancies. We ignore those things that can bring us increased life, because we don't see the benefit clearly. We get annoyed and angry at those things which oppose us as we feel that they are interfering with our lives.
If we would believe that everything that comes across our path is there for a reason - the reason being to help us achieve our purpose in life - then we would view each such encounter as an opportunity, not a nuisance. Kabbalistic thought teaches us that everything in existence has sparks of holiness (Nitzotzos Kedusha) trapped within it. Interacting with these things in the right time, place and manner, gives us the ability to free that holiness and add the sparks (so to speak) to our point total. Often it can be a difficult challenge, and we might need to try more than once. But when we are done, it is on to the next level.

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Haughty

As we continue on with Rebbe Nachman's story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, the Wise Man is on his way home. His trip is miserable. As he was so much smarter than any of his traveling companions, he had no one with whom to speak on the way. Every time he stopped for the night his accommodations were miserable. His wisdom wasn't doing him any good, it was destroying his life!
His haughtiness made him look down on others to the point where he lacked the ability to relate socially with others. In order to justify this attitude he constantly found fault with the efforts and accomplishments of all those around him. It verified his knowledge that he was so much wiser. After all, if he was in charge none of those mistakes would be made.
Presumably his negative attitude would have caused him to be constantly angry, as is frequently the style of negative people. "This meal is too hot! This dish hasn't got enough salt. Why did they design this hotel room in this manner, and fool knows that..."
After reading all this it was time for some serious soul searching. First for the good (relatively speaking) part. I certainly have a natural tendency to be critical and negative. There have been times in my life when I have looked at everything (and I mean everything) around me and found fault in all of it. I then let those I deemed responsible know very clearly how I felt about it, in pretty rude and angry terminology. Thank God I have managed to a large extent to move beyond that. Although I can at times still be negative, it is not as much as it was, and I do not react with the old vehemence.
I have accomplished this by really trying to work on what is true humility. I have looked at my own faults and realized that I am far from perfect. I expect others to tolerate my faults; I should tolerate theirs. God grants me life and much good, despite my faults and wrongdoings and we are mandated to emulate Him.
Beyond that, I have worked to focus on the good in things and not on the negative. I try to have the presence of mind to bite my tongue from presenting my initial reaction and to seek to find something good to say.
Rabbi Aroush offers another, very powerful, way of viewing negative situations which I find helpful and will elaborate upon in my next posting.
As far as the relating to others goes, that is also an area in which I am very lacking. I have always had a certain shyness and a difficulty making friends, especially when meeting a total stranger, and don't easily socialize and make small talk. In the past I always chalked it up to shyness, whatever that means.
More recently I have been trying to understand the same point Rabbi Aroush makes here. I need to understand within myself what aspect of this shyness is really based in a haughtiness which allows me to feel I cannot relate to others whom I perceive as not being my intellectual equals. As I mentioned in a previous post, attitudes like this are really rooted in a lack of self-esteem.
Still lots of work to do.

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble

As I continue on in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Wise Man and the Simple Man, the wise man is at the point where he is ready to settle down and get married. But he feels he must return to his hometown to accomplish that task. Why? Not because the girl next door is cut out to be a better wife. Rather it is because if he returns home the people will admire what he has made of himself after coming from humble origins. In his present location the people don't quite appreciate all he has become.
Rabbi Aroush points out the illness inherent in pursuing honor. Such a person is hurt if anyone doesn't treat him with the proper respect. He is unable to receive any criticism. If the point is valid he simply falls apart. He constantly argues and always has to be right.
Whoa! I really was feeling convicted by all this. From the time I was a small child I was always worried about what others thought of me, and did all I could to impress others. I did not do a good job of taking criticism, and was a well known arguer.
As Rabbi Aroush points out, the only way to overcome these issues is by having trust and faith in God. All honor is truly His, not yours. Whatever you have comes from God; don't look for you to receive honor for yourself from it.