The Real Trick

A certain Rabbi saw people making fun of someone. It was obvious from their demeanor that they thought that their behavior was demonstrating how smart and clever they were. He approached them and said "Do you think that knocking someone down takes brains?! Building someone up is a task that requires much more wisdom."

Any fool can destroy something that took great skill to build. Destruction requires no wisdom; building does. Putting others down, ridiculing them, causing others pain are not activities that speak well for someone's wisdom. Uplifting and encouraging others, helping others build self-respect, and showing them the path to success, are ways to show ones wisdom.

This is a common mistake made by parents. They feel they must ridicule their children in order to keep them in line. By doing so they destroy the spirit of the child.

In our story, the Simple Man was slow, had he not been strong in his faith in God that all of his faults were for his best, he would have been destroyed by the ridicule that was poured upon him. It would have destroyed his self-respect and led him to depression.

I read this also and can easily apply it to myself. I have been on both sides. I have been the perpetrator of ridicule, and I have allowed myself to be affected by the ridicule of others. Neither behavior has stood me in good stead.

I have had to retrain myself in terms of how I respond to people and the type of comments that easily flow out of my mouth. I have had to learn to stop and think before I speak. I needed to work on caring for others and on putting myself in their shoes before I open my mouth about them.

It has been much more difficult to learn how not to allow the words of others to hurt me. I am still working on learning to seek approval only from God and not from anyone else.

The Happy Simple Man

Everyone made fun of the Simple Man. They all indulged in their lust for fun making by taking it out on him.

What was he doing wrong that they treated him in this manner? He was not acting in a way that affected anyone else negatively. He was not running around town screaming like a lunatic. He was not harming anyone else's property! He only looked strange to them because he was always happy, and the other people could not comprehend his joy.

Too often we find an excuse to ridicule others who are really guilty of nothing other than being different. That difference bothers us (it is really we who need the psychological help to deal with that) and we respond with ridicule and scorn.

Mark down another area in which I have had to work hard for a long time. Every time I think of this topic I am reminded of a boy who went to high school with me; he was really weird. And I made sure he knew that was my opinion of him. I get so ashamed of my behavior back then whenever I think about it. Even more so when the reality is that our scorn is really due to an inner jealousy of the fact that someone else has found peace in a way that we have not merited to find.

Approval

Rebbe Nachman writes that one of the worst ailments a person can have is that of constantly worrying what others are thinking of you. It leads to a person conducting his life not on the basis of his understanding of right and wrong, but based on his perception of how others will view his behavior. Rebbe Nachman points out that one who has this issue can't possibly pray in a synagogue. Rather than focusing on the words, and on connecting to God, he will worry how others are viewing him as he prayers. He will begin to do the motions of looking as if he is fervently praying, rather than actually doing so.

This is something of which I have been very guilty of in the past. I feel as if he is speaking directly to me, even though I know I have moved beyond this. I recall vividly as a kid stretching out my Shemoneh Esray in order to give people the impression I was intently into my prayers. It affected other areas of my life. There were times when I was uncomfortable walking through a crowd as I was sure everyone was staring at me and watching me walk.

Truly getting comfortable in my own skin has been a lengthy and ongoing process. A lot of it has to do with learning about the love of Hashem for me, and drawing on works such as Rabbi Aroush's seforim.

The World was Created for Me

Imagine there was no one else in the world. There was no one who was living a better life than you, at least from your perspective. No one had a better job, a larger house, faster car, or a better-looking spouse. Would you feel better? How muuch of the heartache that you have comes from the perception that others are doing better than you, and you don't have it as good? Does it make you feel like a failure? Does it make you feel like God has it in for you?

To combat such a feeling try to internalize the idea that the world was created just for you. You are it. There is no one else in the world. No one else counts from your perspective. There is no one and nothing of which to be jealous...

Phantom

One of my favorite books is the Phantom Tollbooth. I long ago lost count of the number of times I read it as a child, and when my children first became old enough to read it, I read it again. It has been many years since I last picked it up, but I did so today.

For those of you who are not familiar with the book, there is a lot of wisdom within the puns and jokes. It is worth re-reading it as an adult to pick up on what you missed as a child.

It was lying on the kitchen table and I noticed that this edition had an introduction written by Maurice Sendak. This isn't the place to discuss his praises as well. He begins his introduction by quoting a classic passage from the Phantom Tollbooth. It is one in which the lesson is so simple, yet so profound.

"I guess I just wasn't thinking," said Milo.

"PRECISELY," shouted the dog as his alarm went off again, "now you know what you must do."

"I'm afraid I don't," admitted Milo, feeling quite stupid.

"Well," continued the watchdog impatiently, "since you got here by not thinking, it seems reasonable to expect that in order to get out, you must start thinking." And with that he hopped into the car.

The Difference

Why is it that in Rebbe Nachman's story the Wise Man with all of his wisdom ended up floundering his whole life, while the Simple Man, despite all of his intellectual shortcomings, ended up so successful? The Wise Man would seem to have had a much easier path to travel to success. The path of the Simple man, by contrast, was strewn from the start with difficult obstacles!

The answer is really very simple. For all his wisdom, the Wise Man lost his faith. Seeing his great success, he took all the credit for himself, and forgot about the hand of God in his greatness. In his hubris he lost his relationship with God.

Unlike the Wise Man, hubris was not an option for the Simple Man. However, he could have easily fallen into despair, a malady as bad, if not worse. Instead he made a conscious decision to remain strong in his faith despite all the travails he had to endure. These decisions need to be made prior to a person heading down the path to corruption. Originally, they each had fine attitudes. It was when each saw how their life was going that they had to face the choice. Was it to be haughtiness or faith for the Wise Man; depression or faith for the Simple Man.

The Wise Man could only achieve faith by realizing he was far from perfect, despite the wondrous abilities he possessed. For the Simple Man, he needed the realization that he was the person God wanted him to be, in the situation he was meant to be in.

I see a bit of myself in all this. The Wise Man that is (is that haughtiness?). How much of what I accomplished so far in my life, did I attribute deep within myself to myself, and how much do I truly give to God?

The Struggle of Life

In his commentary on the Tanya, Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz shares the following insight (my translation from the Hebrew):
The soul alone, naked and unclothed in a body, is a holy entity, but one which is static. This is so because it has no opposition. Great Chassidic leaders have taught that if God wanted our love or our Torah study alone He could have created countless angels who would study Torah non-stop. But angels are static, they never improve. They are what they are.
The same is true for the soul as long as it is by itself. In order for it to add value, it needs opposition. The opposition is created by the animalistic aspect of the soul. It is not in opposition in the manner of an opponent that wishes to harm and destroy, rather it is the opposition born of the body/soul duality; from the ability to freely choose.
It is the opposition than enables a person to reach heights that a soul alone cannot reach.

Back to the Simple Man

I want to return, after a bit of a hiatus, to a continued discussion of Rebbe Namchman's story of the Simple Man and the Smart Man.
When he created the hideous triangular shoe, and his wife pointed out to him that it was not of the same quality and that of other cobblers, nor did it fetch the same price, the cobbler replied "That is what he does. This is what I do." Rabbi Aroush devotes a large portion of his interpretation of this story to explaining just these words. Before our hiatus we had discussed a bit of that explanation. Let's continue now...
This concept is meant to instill within us that each person has a specific direction from God that is appropriate for himself, and himself alone. Since the time of Creation no two people have been identical in this respect. Each person, and for each person each day, has a different task as to what must be accomplished. No one truly knows where he is up to in a particular task, or in a list of tasks.
This is why we cannot judge others. We have no clue at all as to the challenges others face, or what it is they are meant to be accomplishing.Remain focused on yourself, and yourself alone. Do not allow yourself to be thrown off either by other's successes or their failures, they have no bearing on you. Focus on your own task.
"The whole world was created for me." The whole world is being directed by God for you to achieve your task. Sometimes to reward you for a job well done, sometimes to prod you along.

Getting Personal

Continuing with yesterday's topic, and returning to the writings of Rabbi Shalom Aroush, we will focus again on personal prayer.

Rabbi Aroush mentions that all mitzvos (commandments) are the same for all people. Everyone puts on Tefillin the same way (not withstanding certain minor differences in custom), everyone has the same rules of kashrut, the prayer book is the same for all people.

It is only in the realm of personal prayer that each person is unique. For that matter each day's personal prayer is different as well. What is troubling the soul on Sunday is not the same as on Monday. The material needs of one month are different than another. Those things for which one must offer thanks one day are not the same the next.

It is within the realm of personal prayer that a person can truly develop an individual relationship with God. It is also, therefore, the area in which one can discover his own unique pathway in the world.

Internal Struggle

I have been struggling with not becoming depressed over the past few days as my family's financial situation has been quite precarious. I have been looking for a job, tried to start a business; nothing seems to be working. I have been turning to Tehilim (Psalms) for some solace and direction. At the moment, I have been finding Psalm 51 to be meaningful to myself.

I can relate to King David's struggles as he looks to find forgiveness for his faults, and not be be rejected by God. I find comfort in that I am not the only one who has feared rejection.

In verse 12 he says לב טהור ברא לי אלקים ורוח נכון חדש בקרבי. A pure heart create for me, O Lord, and a proper spirit renew within me. He continues in the next verse by saying אל תשליכני מלפניך ורוח קדשך אל תקח ממני. Do not reject me from before You, and Your holy spirit do not take from me.

As I read that last verse, I thought to myself that in this respect I am certainly not like King David. After all, I don't have the holy spirit to begin with. Subsequently I was looking at a wonderful anthology of commentary and it quoted something very meaningful to me from Rabbi Nachman of Breslev.

He says that any time a person engages in a personal dialogue with God, that is רוח הקדש, the holy spirit, speaking within him. The entire book of Psalms is all the dialogue of King David, it is the holy spirit that emanated from within him. But it is not limited to King David. Each of us can find that holy spirit within.

He suggests beginning by contemplating God and one's desire to relate to God. The more one thinks about it and focuses on this topic the more it will fill his heart. After some time it will manifest itself in the person speaking to God with his own holy spirit.